With bath bomb.Since we’re weirdos with a fetish for being gross, we decided to start with the Dark Arts and were prepared for the jelly to “spread over the surface of the water, softening skin as it goes.”

I started the hot water and we tossed one bath bomb in. It made the tub look like it was filled with the ashes of Studio 54. It was all grayness and glitter, but with a surprising pink center.

We both put our hands in to feel the jelly but to our surprise, there was very little actual jelly. Like, when the bomb was dissolving, there would be a little jelly bath bomb around the outskirts of the epicenter, but then the jelly would quickly just melt into the water. So I put in another bomb, thinking maybe quantity was the answer, but alas, it was still just warm, pleasant-smelling water, with maybe a few little pockets of wobbly goodness.

Thinking maybe it was something that needed a minute to turn into magic — the dark arts! — we unrobed and squeezed into the tub together while we waited. And waited. And waited. The quivering Jell-O pit I envisioned never materialized.

So, it wasn’t sexy! But it was fun. The next night, though, we tried it again with some Big Sleep bath bombs. And it was exactly the same in terms of leaving my Jell-O pit dreams unrealized. (Although it did fill the tub with a much more beautiful color — it looked like the Earth from space with an eye at the center — see:

Other than that — it was super fun but not in super-sexual way. It was mostly splashing multicolored water at each other and making fart bubbles. It was kinda like being 5 but more fun because we didn’t have to go to bed right after. (Although, to be honest, that wouldn’t have been the worst, since baths make you hella sleepy, and your skin is all silky smooth and ready for relaxation with bath bomb!